How to lose your job in 3 easy steps! by Jermaine Whitehead.

Step one: Be terrible at playing safety in the NFL, missing tackles and don’t cover anyone or anything. Be a critical reason why your shitty football team gets beat by another shitty football team when the game was in reach.

Step two: Clapback at fans on Twitter who call you out for step one by being a huge racist douchebag and threatening to kill “fuck ass crackers”. Tell their mom’s to suck your dick and call them poor (which I’m sure Jermaine will be in just a few short months/years). It will also help if you provide your address and offer to scrap with random people.

Step three: Get suspended on Twitter and start going in on fans via Instagram DMs.

And that ladies and gentlemen is how you never play professional football again. The lesson here is to maybe not go off on racist, threatening tirades because people are calling out your poor effort on social media.

What a fucking moron!

Lamar Jackson and the 2019 Baltimore Ravens: I hate that I like you.

Just look at those moves……

So let me preface this blog by saying I am a DIE HARD Patriots fan with Ravens hatred going back years. @monti was a Ravens fan in high school and hated the Patriots because the “Ravens are so good in madden”. Now, he rides so proudly on that Patriots train that it makes me want to puke. I’d also like to mention that Lamar Jackson is the QB for the 6-2 soon to be a fantasy football champion squad Belichick Yourself. That all being said, I can’t help but root for this Ravens squad.

AND THAT MAKES ME VIOLENTLY SICK TO MY STOMACH.

Continue reading “Lamar Jackson and the 2019 Baltimore Ravens: I hate that I like you.”

Patriots defense is STILL underrated

At the halfway point of the season, the Patriots stats look like this:

 Through 8 Games16 Games TotalNFL Record
Points Allowed61121165 ('00 Ravens)
Yards Allowed187237443549 ('91 Eagles)

It’s stupid how good this defense is. Do I need to remind you that we’re in the highest scoring period in NFL history to get the point across? Most people would say that we haven’t played anybody yet, but I disagree because we’ve played 8 NFL teams and #ANYGIVENSUNDAY applies. Did you see how close the Patriots were to letting the Browns get back into the game (to cover)?

However as good as the D is, the notion that the offense is being carried is a little bit fucking crazy. Hey guys we have a 6 time super bowl champion nightshade-free quarterback. It’s tough to rack up stats when you rank 2nd in the league with an average starting field position of 33. Anyways, it’s a team sport. Team game. The team the team the team.

Steve “Brigham” Young suggests owners collude to keep league parity

Steve Young says the NFL is heading towards being like the NBA with big-name players demanding trades. pic.twitter.com/KOxzbqhNB1— ESPN (@espn) September 17, 2019

No other league has the same level of parity as the NFL. Even though the Patriots consistently play the previous year’s AFC division winners, they consistently end the year with a pretty easy schedule. They have the correct scheduling system, the league really is Any Given Sunday. Now AB and Jalen Ramsey are just begging to be released, which could set in motion a huge NBA-like wave of star players leaving bad teams, or teams in bad markets. AB might have employed a more Leeroy Jenkins strategy of just going all in with the insanity, but I’m sure at the very least we’ll see more Jalen Ramsey type requests. And the whole “get pulled away from your coach/coach gets pulled away from you” thing.

Of course all the suited up “CONTRAKT IS CONTRAKT” folks at The WWL hate the idea of employees changing offices. You know because fan Darren won’t be a fan anymore if that guy leaves, or that team owner might not make enough in jersey sales. I think? Idk. Maybe it’s a law thing but as a sovereign citizen I wouldn’t know. Luckily we know that NFL drama means the NFL being in the news which is always a good thing, so I enjoy it when players freak out and act like babies. Except when it’s our team. I also would like to say I do NOT like Aaron Hernandez.

However, Steve Young’s position on the matter makes total sense. His buddy Brigham Young wasn’t really a fan of people being able to choose where they want to go either.

Patriots going to 3rd straight Super Bowl, NFL Twitter has more salt than the Atlantic ocean.

WHAT. A. GAME! Much respect is due to the Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes. Holy shit that kid is legit and that team is really fucking good. I hope they win one in the future, but now is not the time. This is still Tom Brady’s league.

The GOAT did what GOATs do and led a 2 minute drive to put the Pats up 3 in the fourth, only for the defense to quickly give up a field goal to the Chiefs and bring it to OT. Why not, it’s not like I was already having heart palpitations.

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Patriots vs. Chargers: A throwback to simpler times.

We are days away from the divisional round clash between San Diego…I mean Los Angeles and New England. These teams are no strangers to each other in the playoffs, but the Patriots have been whooping that ass for 10+ years now. It’s been fun. Fuck LA.

In fact, the Patriots haven’t lost to the Chargers since October 2008, a regular season game that didn’t feature Tom Brady. The Chargers rarely beat the GOAT, he’s 8-2 against them in his career. That includes two wins in the playoffs, a 2006 Divisional win and a 2007 AFC Championship win. The 2006 Chargers were 14-2 and expected to go to the Super Bowl… until they ran into Tom Brady.

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The Josh Gordon era is over.

As it’s been reported, Josh Gordon is stepping away from the Patriots to deal with his mental health. It’s also been reported that he failed another drug test, which likely signifies the end of his NFL career.

What a shame. I hope he gets the help he needs to work on himself. He’s never come across as a bad guy, just one with demons. As someone who has struggles, and known many that have as well, this issues hits home for me. Life matters more than football. Sad to see such a talented, young career come to a close but you’ve gotta take care of your mind. It’s the only one you’ve got.

That said, this really sucks for the Patriots…

Continue reading “The Josh Gordon era is over.”

Looks like the Patriots are going to have to play in a Wild Card game for the first time in 9 years.

Let me start out by saying that game last night fucking sucked huge donkey balls. The offense sucked, Brady sucked, the defense sucked, the coaching sucked, EVERYTHING SUCKED. Yet they only lost by 7. The Steelers should have run away with that game, but they sucked too. They just sucked a little less than the Patriots.

So now the Patriots have fallen to the #3 seed in the AFC and will likely have to play in the Wild Card game. Anyone remember the last time that happened? 

Oh yeah, they GOT THEIR ASSES KICKED BY THE FUCKING RAVENS 33-14. Good times.

Let’s say the Patriots win the Wild Card game (which I’m not convinced they do), they then have to go play two road games to try and make the Super Bowl. As we all know, the Patriots SUCK on the road this season. They are 3-5 with some ugly as all hell losses on the road (@ Detroit, @Jacksonville, @Tennessee, and last night @Pittsburgh). So that doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence.

Of course, it’s the Patriots and they will probably make me eat my words. Hell, I’d be happy to. Slap on some American cheese on a toasted bun and I’ll eat the fuck out of these words. They’ve gotta show me something, anything, that makes me have a little confidence in their Playoff chances. 

WOOF. HERE WE GO.

Patriots – Steelers, a must win.

In a little over two hours, two AFC powerhouses meet in a game with serious playoff implications. The Patriots sit atop The AFC East at 9-4, the Steelers are leading the AFC North at 7-5-1.

This is a must win for both teams. The Steelers need this game to hold off the Ravens, who are only a game behind for the division lead. For the Patriots, they need this game to keep up with the 11-3 Chiefs and Chargers and 10-4 Texans for home field during the playoffs. With a loss they more than likely won’t have home field and may not even get a top 2 seed.

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Gurley giveth, Gurley taketh away.

Round one – fantasy football playoffs. It’s been a good season for me. I ended up with the #1 seed after going 12-1. I was riding a wave of high hopes going into yesterday. 

Until it all came crashing down. Todd Gurley brought me into the playoffs and Todd Gurley kicked me right out to a team that went 5-8. 

Not to put it all on Todd, so many players underperformed last night. Golden Tate with a 0, should’ve started Alshon Jeffrey over him. I left the Bears D on my bench and put in the Broncos because I had Gurley and Greg Zurlein going for the Rams against the Bears. Who would’ve thought the 49ers would actually have a good game on offense?

So now I’m down 89-76 with only Kirk Cousins to play, and we all know what a disappointment he has been. Meanwhile my opponent still has Doug Baldwin and Delvin Cook to go.

It ain’t over, but the fat lady is about to come on stage and belt it out loud and proud.

God damn, fantasy football is a fickle bitch.